Written by Susan and Anna for Integrated Schools.
We recently received a Caregiver Connection request from a White parent whose son was about to start kindergarten. The family had consciously decided not to move to a different neighborhood or district as many other White families had done when their children reached school age. After enrolling their child in their neighborhood school, they visited and felt good about what they saw. But although they knew the local school served a predominantly Black and poor population, it wasn’t until back to school night that they were struck with “just how different we appeared to be from the other families in attendance.” It wasn’t just that they were the only White family, but that it seemed they were one of the only “middle class/white collar” families. The cultural gap seemed suddenly much greater than they had anticipated, and the possibility of integrating their family seemed more daunting.
At Integrated Schools, a lot of our work focuses on helping those of us who have long benefited from a racist status quo to recognize how race and racialized thinking has shaped us and our systems of education. Recognizing the ways class and classism shape our culture and assumptions is a challenge we’ve touched on (Cathryn & the Saviors, Reopening Schools & Equity) but have not centered. Our class identities are less clearly defined and in some ways more fluid than our racial or ethnic identities. In a supposed meritocracy, our discomfort with acknowledging how class affects our opportunities and interactions rivals and can even exceed our discomfort with “seeing” race.
This summer we invited Integrated Schools volunteers the chance to deepen our understanding of class and approaches to bridging class divides. Over a dozen chapter leaders, network contacts, board members and folks from our podcast and book club support teams read Betsy Leondar-Wright’s Class Matters: cross-class alliance-building for middle-class activists and came together for a series of discussions.
Leondar-Wright is a life-long economic justice activist from a middle-class background who has worked in a number of mixed-class movements. In writing Class Matters, she chose to juxtapose the perspectives of some 40 activists – spanning a wide range of racial, ethnic, class and gender identities – with her own experiences as an organizer. This “patchwork quilt” approach yields insights that feel both nuanced and authentic – true to the messiness of real-life interactions. And while the book was published almost 20 years ago, the insights remain relevant.
A Note on Activism: In Integrated Schools’ theory of change, activism is the culmination of a process that begins with understanding the role of race and racism in our society, our systems of education, and in our own thinking (“contemplate”); committing ourselves to desegregate our children by enrolling them in schools that do not concentrate Whiteness or privilege (“desegregate”); and integrating our families into our school communities (“integrate”). We “activate” a change in our own thinking and behavior before we take part in advocating for changes in policy (“advocate”). In this sense, we are activists first, and advocates second.
Tips for Integrating our Families & Advocating for Equity
Leondar-Wright chose the title of Class Matters to pay homage to “two writers who bridge the inner and outer dimensions of racism and classism exceptionally well”: bell hooks’ Where We Stand: Class Matters and Cornel West’s Race Matters. Class Matters closes by offering 10 tips to help middle-class activists build cross-class alliances. These tips largely mirror Integrated Schools’ admonition to “show up, shut up (listen), stay put, speak up” – reminding us that when it is time to take action, we must put our privilege at the service of those furthest from privilege. We offer our take on these 10 tips along with examples drawn from the Integrated Schools community.
Class Matters: Ten “Tips” from Working-Class Activists
- Put Relationships First
- Talk Less, Listen More
- Hang in
- Have a Little Humility
- Don’t Let Guilt Make You Foolish
- Recognize Working-Class People’s Constraints
- Support Working-Class Issues
- Use Your Privilege
- Let Go of Control
- Watch Your Language
Put Relationships First
At Integrated Schools, “relationships are the unit of change.” (Shout out to Chapter Leader Bridget for this excellent framing). Most of us crave relationships and community, but left to our own devices tend to seek it only where it comes easily. Building authentic relationships across race and class takes time and patient effort. It’s the foundation of this work, and cannot be rushed. We don’t get a pass for our good intentions. We need to be willing to sit with discomfort, to lean into opportunities to get to know other people and let them learn that we can be trusted with what matters to them.
For me the best entry point to getting to know other parents and caregivers is has generally been to connect based on our children’s friendship: “Hi, I’m Linda. My son Jake is always talking about his new friend Gustavo. Is he your son?” Sometimes the other caregiver corrects me: “no he’s my grandson” or “my nephew,” or “my little brother.” At first I’d feel awkward for having made the wrong assumption, but I’ve realized I don’t need to be terrified of making mistakes. Likewise, when someone asks if I’m my child’s grandparent, at first I was embarrassed to have to correct them. Now I can let these moments be a bridge to learning more about each other rather than a barrier to further conversation.
At a coffee with the principal to discuss Teacher Appreciation Week, a parent came in wanting to share their concerns about students and families not using the crosswalk. At my old school, someone might have shut down any “off-topic” comments in order to stick to the agenda, leaving that parent feeling unheard and disconnected from the school community. However, the principal made a point of setting aside the agenda to hear the parent out, letting them know their voice mattered.
Talk Less, Listen More
As one of Leondar-Wright’s activists points out in the book, people with privilege tend to be more sure of their voice and quick to cite research that backs up their opinions. Gathering evidence can be a useful tool of advocacy, but evidence taken out of context can lead to positions that run counter to a community’s values. Taking the time to hear from other members of the community before running an issue or grievance up the chain of command (or worse, ignoring the chain of command and going straight to a top-ranking official) builds trust and deepens relationships.
If you are a talker by nature, try to make a point of listening more, and being fully present without feeling the need to take up space verbally. If your response to feeling out of place or unsure of your role is to stay silent, make sure that you are actively listening rather than withdrawing. Asking questions or rephrasing a point to make sure you understand what matters to others is more important than proving your own expertise or centering your opinions, especially when you are new to a community.
Hang In
Or as we say, at Integrated Schools, “Stay Put.” One of Leondar-Wright’s activists observes that “low-income folks don’t believe that middle-class folks will stick around.” If we have chosen to desegregate our children by enrolling them at a school that doesn’t concentrate Whiteness and privilege, one reason we may not feel immediately welcomed is that people don’t believe we’ll stick around, or that we’ll threaten to leave in order to get our way – and then bail anyway when things get hard. The only way to overcome this dynamic is to keep showing up, listening more than we talk, and let familiarity grow organically rather than expecting to be instantly embraced.
When my kid started kindergarten, I just assumed that I would automatically be friends with the parents of other kids in his class. And the reality was that a lot of the other parents were a lot younger than me, or at pick-up it might be a child’s Grandma who picked them up, and I’d find myself looking for the one other White, middle-aged, middle-class mom. It wasn’t until my son walked up with a new friend that I felt like I had a basis for connecting with that boy’s caregivers. It turned out that his mom and auntie took turns picking him up after school. I introduced myself and learned their names, but it wasn’t until my son’s friend had been out sick a couple of days and I mentioned to the mom the following week how much Tyler had missed her son and was he doing ok now that we started to have conversations.
Have A Little Humility
One of our earliest tag-lines was “Integrated Schools is growing a grassroots movement of, by and for parents who are intentionally, joyfully and humbly enrolling our children in integrating schools.” Intention is a starting point; whatever may be in our hearts and minds, it is our words and actions that have impact on others. Putting our privilege at the disposal of the community’s expressed needs shouldn’t be confused with putting ourselves in the position of savior. We are not here to “save” our schools, but to participate in them. We approach our participation with critical humility, knowing we will make mistakes, and committing ourselves to learning and doing better as we go.
Having humility allows us to let go of our preconceived notions, without relinquishing our ideals. As Barbara Willer, one of the organizer activists cited in Class Matters, puts it: “Hold fast to principals, let go of ideology. Equity is the principle, but ‘only one way to get there’ is ideology.”
Once, I publicly called out a White, middle class member of our PTO for using characteristics of White Supremacy Culture (Tema Okun) in an email to our principal. I wasn’t wrong in my assessment, but my approach did nothing to help our community and move us forward; in fact dealing with the reaction to that call out caused major problems. This person’s behavior was out of line but I did nothing in the end to make things better.
Don’t Let Guilt Make You Foolish
The Class Matters activists advise middle-class folks: “don’t get taken advantage of” and “don’t make assumptions.” One working class or person in poverty doesn’t speak for all, just as one person of color doesn’t speak for every person of color. At the same time, as integrating parents we have to accept that others may make assumptions about us based on race and class, and their own lived experience. Working to earn trust shouldn’t be confused with trying to prove we’re not one of those White/privileged people.
Leading with White (or class) guilt can also make us want to downplay the privileges we do have, to the point of inauthenticity. Centering ourselves in the knowledge that we all have something to contribute and something to learn from (and about) one another is a surer guide.
My fourth-grader had a couple of friends over from school. One of them said to me, “You have such a nice house! It’s so big!” I smiled and nodded, but felt really uncomfortable and unsure how to respond. Someone else at Integrated Schools told me she’d had the same experience, and now when that happens she says, “It is a big house! And it’s so much more fun when we get to share it with our friends.”
Recognize Working Class People’s Constraints [and cultural differences]
When it comes to activism and advocacy, there may be very real constraints on working-class or low-income people’s ability to participate in the ways a middle-class person takes for granted: e.g., transportation, flexibility around work schedule, child care. But beyond constraints, there may also be a mis-match of expectations and cultural norms around social interactions. Birthday parties may be considered primarily family functions, for example, as opposed to “we’re hosting a party at our house for our son and all his classmates.”
My first-grader asked if her friend Sheree could come over after school. I said sure, and sent a note to Sheree’s mom, including my cell number so she could contact me to make arrangements. When I didn’t hear from her, I thought maybe Sheree had forgotten to pass along the note. At pick-up, I asked my daughter to point out Sheree and then I went over and introduced myself to her mom. She gave me a funny look. “Yes, I got your note. But I don’t know you. Why would I let my six-year old go to your house?” Sheree’s mom was absolutely right! I realized that I’d made assumptions based on the very small homogenous middle-class co-op preschool community we’d come from. I apologized, and eventually we agreed to meet for a playdate at a nearby park where the girls could play and we could get to know each other.
Support Working Class Issues
Be thoughtful about whose voices you are listening to. Just because a Facebook or Discord group of privileged parents is on fire over some topic doesn’t mean that issue is the most important issue for those most impacted. Follow School Board elections, district and school meetings. Take the time to discern what seem to be the pressing issues, and also who is speaking up and on what topics. Are there BIPOC- or student-led groups advocating for educational equity and justice?
I felt my kid’s kindergarten teacher was giving WAY too much homework. I knew what “all the studies” said about homework for younger grades and I wanted the teacher and principal to change their practices accordingly. A friend from Integrated Schools suggested I first ask other parents what they thought about the homework. After the first two caregivers I asked both said they really appreciated the time they got to spend with their kids and the opportunity to connect and help their little ones “get ahead” and practice what they were learning at school at home, I was able to set aside my assault on homework.
Use Your Privilege
Part of the power of cross racial and cross class coalitions is the ability to leverage privilege for the benefit of all. Pretending one’s privilege is “nothing” is disingenuous – it falls into the category of guilt making us foolish! At the same time, we shouldn’t treat our privilege as a gift that we have the power to offer or withhold.
At our mostly Latino school, a lot of parents were concerned with security and wanted to raise money to put locks on the gates. The PTA raised about $5K for this project, with many parents and family members making relatively small contributions. But then a White parent on the PTA did an event that made $10K. She wanted a mural, and because her celebrity friends had contributed most of the money, the $5K that most of the parents had worked to raise for locks was added to the $10 K to pay for the mural.
Rather, we should be transparent about what skills, resources, or social capital we have to offer, as one of many community resources available to the collective to achieve its goals.
We found out our principal was being dismissed, but no one from the district was communicating with the parent community about what was happening. I happened to have sat on a committee with the head of human resources, so I went with our PTA president, a Black woman, down to the district office to see if we could get some answers. The secretary recognized me, and that facilitated our getting in to speak with the HR person, who remembered me from our committee work. But once we had her ear, I made a point of introducing our PTA president and letting her take it from there. She didn’t need my help to articulate the concerns of parents at our school; my contribution was getting us in the door.
Watch your Language
Take the time to use practical language that a layperson can understand, and communicate clearly without using a lot of jargon or filler. If there is an opportunity where “advanced degree” language is helpful (say, at a board meeting) take the time to explain the terminology clearly without being patronizing. Speak from the heart and from your own experience, and look for opportunities to yield the floor to others who can speak from their own experience. Stay attuned to the impact of your words as well as to the import of others’ messages. We may say things we don’t realize are offensive, and we may miss brilliant ideas if we are only listening for the presentation and not the content.
The principal came to a parent meeting to talk about our school budget. She’d made a list of a bunch of acronyms with an explanation of what the letters stood for, and had our community assistant translate it into Spanish. Now whenever someone speaks to parents and uses an acronym or jargon we don’t know, we ask them to explain and add it to the list.
There’s a parent at our school whose comments always seem to start with the phrase, “I realize this is me coming from a place of privilege, but…” Sometimes I wish he would just think about why the thing he wants to say might not land well, and either find a different way to say it or reconsider whether it actually contributes something useful to the discussion. This person often does have something useful to say, but everytime he leads with the “me coming from a place of privilege” line, you can feel the entire room sort of tense up, like we’re bracing for something offensive.
Let Go of Control
School desegregation is concerned mainly with rearranging students; integration is about changing the status quo to redress the imbalance of power in our systems of education. Racial and class privilege are both drivers of that imbalance. Just as cross-class alliances don’t need to be led by middle- or upper-class activists, those of us with racial or class privilege do not need to be “leaders” at our children’s schools.
During a Teacher Appreciation Week planning meeting, some members of our PTO insisted that people drop off their donations by 8am so that we’d know what we had well in advance of a Teacher’s Luncheon at 1pm. By noon, only half the people who’d signed up had dropped off food and the White and middle class volunteers were freaking out. But all the food showed up by 1pm, and the staff had a lovely lunch provided for them, just not in the way the middle class volunteers had expected!
My kids are in 7th and 3rd grade, and I see friends of ours sending their kids to really high stakes, high standards, competitive schools. It feels like they should be less stressed because their schools have more resources and opportunities than my kids’ school. But, from what I can tell, they seem even more stressed. One friend shared that her kiddo cries every night about the stress of all the work and high expectations. And it makes her cry too! I feel really fortunate to have the framework so I can focus on doing things that benefit all students rather than singularly obsessing over my own kids!
Reading Class Matters was an eye-opener in part because it helped us see class and gave us language to talk about what can seem like a taboo subject. As with race, the opportunity to discuss how class and classism impact our integration journeys was both revelatory and freeing.
Desegregating our children by enrolling them in schools that don’t concentrate Whiteness and privilege is a critical first step. But integrating our families can feel elusive, and – yes – daunting! At Integrated Schools, we are here for that. If you are willing to commit to the effort, to prioritizing relationships even when they don’t come easily or quickly, to feeling awkward and making mistakes and giving yourself and others the grace to recover and grow, we are here to embrace the challenge with you.
Want to connect? Reach out to your local chapter or network contact! Join us for a Book Club discussion (even if you haven’t finished the book). Send us a voicemail or email if something in a podcast resonated with your own experience or made you see something in a new light. Connect with a caregiver – or just shoot us an email and tell us what’s on your mind!
0 Comments