nytimes. Is the drive for success making our children sick?
I’ve been thinking a lot about why parents are so nervous about integrated/ing schools. In part, there is simply so much we are encouraged to fear (see You CAN be Too Careful). The heartbreaking and harrowing stories we hear about poor schools ensure that such places could never be safe enough for our kids (nor for anyone’s kid! but we can only choose for our own…).
But really, while the fear factor plays a part, the most common reason I hear why parents won’t send their kids to an Integrated/ing school is this:
I *just* Want the Best for my Child
I mean, I can’t imagine anyone saying that they DON’T want the best for their kid; talk like that is not only absurd, but would result in swift and severe parent-sanctions. But what we mean by THE BEST for our kids is the tricky part.
From my conversations with parents, the BEST is synonymous with the MOST. And the MOST refers to all the stuff that looks great on college applications and is will provide EVERY opportunity for a child to explore and grow and do and do and do (and keep them away from those daggum videogames) so that they will be successful adults in this crazy competitive world.
Perhaps it is because of my privileged position, but I am not terribly worried that my kids won’t “succeed.” Perhaps my white, healthy and currently middle class position offers me the comfort of not being nervous. I suppose if I were determined that my kids would become PharmaCEOs or senators, I might be gunning for the private school ivy-connects. But I figure if my kids want that life, they’ll find a way to get there. Otherwise, they’ll get where they need to be. Harvard or anystateU, they’ll get there. It’s my job to make sure they do so with the skills to be independent, thoughtful, aware, prepared with a good work ethic and a sense of joy about life (and, yes, a little dose of anger at injustice…).
(as an aside, there is some interesting work sort of on this topic about the real benefits of NOT going to the Best schools… that adults who attended colleges that weren’t as competitive were actually MORE successful than those who struggled through the Yales of the world).
Reading this NYTimes article (and the many others like it) is terribly disheartening. This narrowly-defined Achievement culture must also be a cause and consequence of our increasingly segregated schools. If Achievement with a capital A is this important, than the schools our children must attend must be high Achieving.
Integrated/ing schools are rarely that. They are other things, but rarely that.
Perhaps if we can get off the Achievement train, we can get back into the idea of going to school together – rich and poor, working class and middle class – and build a future of leaders and citizens who work together and know each other and fight for all as opposed to compete for one. Sounds a bit utopian-dreamy when I put it on paper this way, but I guess I would rather err on this side, with a greater possibility that everyone can win than scrap and scrum solely for the benefit of my kid.
If I understand you correctly, you’re saying that integrated schools can’t reliably offer Achievement to students, but that isn’t really a problem because people should value Achievement less highly than they do. Do I have that correctly?
I am curious to know why you think people value Achievement– where did that come from? If you believe children can become “successful” adults without it, why have so many parents who want the best for their kids become obsessed with an inessential ingredient?
If I understand you further, you are arguing that Achievement won’t be as important to “success” in the future (if it ever was in the past) as will be familiarity with “difference” and the various lack of advantages other people experience growing up. I am not sure I understand this; the racial composition of the country is projected to change in the future from majority white to minority white, but does that mean it will change from a wealthy/Achievement based country to a poor/difference based country? Won’t even the non-white majority be interested in pursuing wealth/Achievement? If they will, and integrated schools don’t serve that up, haven’t you handicapped your children despite their improved ability to negotiate difference?
Hi Lion…
I apologize if I was unclear… by Achievement here, I am referring to the idea of Capital-A Achievement. By this, I mean the intense pressure to get and become all the things that smack of “achievement” regardless of an individual’s desire for them… Others have written on this more eloquently (here are two examples off the top of my head):
http://qz.com/346693/the-dark-side-of-americas-achievement-culture/
https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/the-rat-race-of-childhood-why-we-need-to-balance-students-lives/2012/07/19/gJQAzvE0wW_blog.html
So what I was trying to say was that even if a school does not have every AP class in the book and everything that wealthy suburban schools typically have, it is likely that my (middle class) child will still grow up to be successful in the ways that he/she desires (with my parental influence, of course!)…
But at an integrated school (or one where there are fewer resources, etc.), the pressure of Achievement for the sake of Achievement will not be the motivating force.
In the sense that a person works hard, has the opportunities, and earns the things they seek (a law degree, whatever), achievement is great; it is one of the ideals upon which America was founded. I just don’t think that a kid necessarily (can’t speak for every single child) needs to attend the Best School in the Best District to get there…
So when I write about the importance of understanding “difference,” I am saying that it is likely that (a) this will be helpful in a child’s future (simply because, as you note, whites are projected to in the minority by, I think, 2044) and (b) that this will help make our country a more equitable and humane place.
Yes, of course, if we actually integrate our schools, we have the capacity to create more opportunities for more kids to be successful as adults. I don’t, however, believe that this would mean that my kids are at a disadvantage simply because there are more people who have access to a “good life.” Keeping others “down” is not the way to lift mine up.
So, I guess in summary, achievement is important (and integrated schools won’t get in the way of that), Achievement is not, and the ability to negotiate difference benefits everyone….
Hope this addressed your questions…? Thanks so much for engaging!!!